A classic joke goes like this: A nurse rushes into an exam room and says, “Doctor, doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.” The doctor says, “Tell him I can’t see him.”

Pretty simple, right?

Here’s how I tell it: “A nurse—her name is Joyce—feels a presence in the waiting room. She looks around but sees nothing. She jumps up from her desk, carefully replaces her chair, and runs down the lavender-hued hallway to the doctor’s office. She knocks on the door. No response. He’s not there. Where can he be? She continues down the hall, admiring a lithograph of an 18th-century Mississippi paddleboat along the way.” By this time, my audience has left, but I soldier on. “She bursts into the exam room and says, ‘Doctor, doctor!’ The doctor, I should mention, is a urologist with a degree from Ohio State, which is where my nephew …”

You get the idea. I’m an embellisher. I can’t leave a simple gag alone.

I’m not the only joke-challenged member of the family. My sister’s worse than I am. Her problem: She can’t remember them. “‘A nurse rushes into an exam room and says…’Uh, let me start all over again. ‘A nurse rushes into a waiting…’No, it’s not the waiting room. She just came from the waiting room. Let me start all over again. ‘A doctor rushes into…’ No, wait…”

My uncle’s different. He’s guilty of taking a perfectly fine joke and selling it as the second coming of Oscar Wilde, “Okay, this is a good one. Ready? No, really, ready? Okay, fasten your seat belts. Ready?‘A nurse…’Got it? A nurse? Okay, ready?‘A nurse rushes into an exam room and says, “Doctor, doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”’ Now, this is where it gets funny. Ready?”

No one is ever ready, so they leave before he gets to the punch line.

My father’s on Wall Street, so he hears all the jokes before they hit the Web. And he lets you know he knows them all by telling you all of them. He also knows that most people don’t like jokes. So he slips them in under the radar: “I was chatting with Ben Bernanke the other day. You know Ben, don’t you? The Fed chief? Anyway, we were reviewing the Fed’s policy on long-term interest rates, and he told me it had evolved into its current iteration only after a nurse rushed into an exam room and said, ‘Doctor, doctor, there’s…’ Hey, where are you going?”

My brother Mark understands that the secret to good joke telling is to know your audience. When he entertained my grandmother’s bridge club one evening, he made it a point to adapt the joke to them: “A beautiful blonde nurse rushes into a consulting room…”

No one in my family has ever finished this joke.

But as bad as it is not to be able to tell a joke, there’s something worse: not being able to listen to one. Take my cousin Mitch for example.

“Why couldn’t the doctor see him?” he asked.

“Because he’s invisible,” I said.

“Now, I didn’t get that. I thought the doctor couldn’t see him because he was with a patient.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but the fact that the guy was invisible…”

“Could the nurse see him?”

“No. She’s the one who said he was invisible…”

“How’d she know he was there?”

“Because he…”

“When you say he was invisible, does that mean his clothes were invisible too?” Here’s where I tried to walk away.

“Because if his clothes weren’t invisible,” Mitch said, stepping between me and the exit, “then the doctor could see him, right?”

“Yeah, but …”

“At least his clothes.”

“I guess…”

“Unless he was naked.”

“Okay, he was naked!”

“Why would he go to his doctor naked?”

Next time you see my family and someone is telling a joke, do yourself a favor: Make yourself invisible.

1.Which of the following is true according to this article?

A. No one in the writer’s family is good at telling jokes.

B. Mark is the best at telling jokes in his family.

C. Mitch is very sensitive to all kinds of jokes.

D. A typically classic joke should cover all the details.

2.What is inappropriate about Mark’s adaptation of the joke?

A. He knows the audience very well.

B. He shouldn’t have entertained a bridge club.

C. He shouldn’t have begun the story with a beautiful blond nurse.

D. He shouldn’t have told old people jokes.

3.Mitch stepped between me and the exit because __________.

A. he wanted to go out with me

B. he wanted to block my way out

C. he was trying to repay the situation in the consulting room

D. he wanted to show that the doctor could see the patient

4.Which is the best title of the passage?

A. Learn to Amuse Others

B. Where to Find a Doctor

C. How to Ruin a Classic Joke

D. A Story about a Funny Family

Disneyland? Half Marathon presented by Cigna?

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Start time: 5:30 AM

Start/Finish: Disneyland? Resort

Catch all the Disney fun on the most magical course on earth!

It’s the moment you’ve been training for. Your 13.1 mile run on a magical course in the Happiest Race on Earth takes you through Disney California Adventure Park along legendary Main Street, U.S.A. In Disneyland Park, and then on to the streets of Anaheim. You’ll complete your Disneyland Half Marathon race with an exciting finish near the Disneyland Hotel. It all adds up to miles of smiles, unforgettable memories, and a perfect ending to a magical Disneyland.

The Disneyland Half Marathon Highlights

Timed Half Marathon race

13.1-mile course through Disneyland Resort and the City of Anaheim, California

Disney Characters and Entertainment on-course

Family Reunion Area with live entertainment and characters at the Finish Line

Race within walking distance when you stay at a Disneyland Resort Hotel

Event transportation included when you stay at select Anaheim Area Hotels

Disneyland Half Marathon Race Participants Receive

Champion Short-Sleeved Tech Shirt in Women’s or Men’s Cut*

Half Marathon Finisher Medal*

Official Digital Event Guide*

iGiftBag

Personalized bib (Must register before June 2, 2015 for name to appear on bib)*

On-course and post-race refreshments

ChronoTrack B-tag timed race with live runner tracking signup for friends and family

Personalized results website and finisher certificate

To receive the Dumbo Double Dare Finisher Medal, you must register for the Dumbo Double Dare. Registering for the 10K and Half Marathon individually will not make you eligible (合适的) to receive the Dumbo Double Dare Finisher Medal.

To compete, you must be 14 years of age or older and able to complete the Half Marathon in three and a half (3.5) hours or less (16-minute mile pace).

Dates, times, prices and inclusions subject to change. All races are subject to capacity limits and may close at any time before the percentage can be updated. Registrations are non-refundable and non-transferable. Disney reserves the right to refuse the entry into, and/or revoke any registration for, any race for any reason in its sole discretion with refund of any applicable registration fees being the sole remedy of any such refusal and/or revocation.

*Participants must attend Packet Pick-up at the run Disney Health & Fitness Expo to receive their race packet, bib, and tech shirt. Finisher medals will be distributed to finishers during the race. None of these items will be mailed to registrants.

1.You can read all the following except ______in the article.

A. The course description of Half Marathon

B. The distance of the Half Marathon

C. The entry fee of the Half Marathon

D. The time limits of the completion of the Half Marathon

2.We can infer from the advertisement that whoever runs the Half Marathon can get ______.

A. the Dumbo Double Dare Finisher Medal

B. Half Marathon Finisher Medal

C. Personalized bib

D. iGiftbag

Ariau Amazon Towers

The Ariau Amazon Towers hotel lets you sleep in a tree house. Eight towers make up this hotel that offers over 300 rooms. If you really want to get into the spirit, book the Tarzan Suite which is large enough for a big family. You’ll be thirty feet up in the air and can travel between the towers through their wooden walkways.

Prices: starting at $300 one night for each person for a regular room and going all the way up to $3000 for the Tarzan Suite.

For more information, visit the website: http://www.ariautowers.com

The Ice Hotel

Every winter in Jukkasjarvi, Sweden, a special kind of hotel called the Ice Hotel is built. Each year, world-famous artists are invited to design and produce works of art from the ice, many of which can be found in the rooms. You’ll have your choice between hot or cold rooms, but you will be well advised to stay at least one night in a cold room for a true experience.

Prices: starting at $318 one night for each person for either a cold room or a warm one.

For more information, visit the website: http://www.icehotel.com

Propeller Island

Propeller Island City Lodge is a very special hotel that was designed by a German artist. Each room provides you with the possibility of living in a work of art. Every single piece of furniture in the thirty rooms of the hotel has been hand-made and each room is completely different. You’ll be able to choose a room based on your own personal tastes.

Prices: starting at just $91 a night, and an additional person for only 20 extra dollars.

For more information, visit the website: http://www.propeller-island.com

For information about other cool hotels in the world, visit the website:

http://www.bahamabeachclub.com

1.What is special about the Ariau Amazon Towers hotel?

A. You can sleep in tree houses.

B. You can choose any of the towers.

C. It is designed for big families.

D. Every room has a walkway.

2.For two persons spending a night in one of these hotels, they have to pay at least ______.

A. $111 B. $182 C. $600 D. $636

3.Which website should you visit if you want to find out whether there exists a hotel under the sea?

A. http://www.icehotel.com

B. http://www.ariautowers.com

C. http://www.propeller-island.com

D.http://www.bahamabeachclub.com

4.Which hotel would invite artists to come to work every year?

A. Propeller Island City Lodge.

B. Ariau Amazon Towers.

C. The Ice Hotel.

D. Bahama Beach Club.

Bark

Cover Price: $19.80 Price: $15.00($2.50 / issue (期) )

You save: $4.80 (24%) Review: By Pat Kane

I absolutely love Bark magazine! I love the “smiling” pages and the tips on every issue. I am a dog lover and have saved all of my dogs from either death row or from people who were going to put them down. Everyone should have a chance to live and Bark stresses that with its articles. This magazine is a MUST HAVE for any dog lover!!

Dog Fancy

Cover Price: $54.00 Price: $14.99 ($1.25 / issue)

You save: $39.01 (72%) Review: By Berner Mom

Don't waste your money on this magazine. 60-70 percent of it are advertisements, and the articles offer little useful information. It might be suitable for children, but not adults who are serious about educating themselves about dogs.

Dog World

Cover Price: $48.88 Price: $14.99 ($1.25 / issue)

You save: $33.89 (69%) Review: By one critic

Dog World has many very interesting and thought-provoking (令人思考的) articles for people involved in dog showing, breeding(饲养), performance events, etc. However,over half of the magazine is devoted to breeder ads, which is boring. Still, as a whole, I recommend(推荐) it for the articles. Good articles, but tons of ads.

Modern Dog

Cover Price: $45.00 Price: $15.00 ($3.75 / issue)

You save: $30.00 (24%) Review: By Dinah

My new favorite magazine! Beautiful photos, smart and amusing articles, fashion, art, interviews with famous people… all with a dog focus!Cover models range from Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell to Virginia Madsen and her dogs. Thanks to Modern Dog I now know how to give a dog-friendly cocktail party and how to actually get my dog to come when she’s called. Surely worth checking out.

1.Which of the following magazines saves the most money?

A. Bark B. Dog Fancy

C. Dog World D. Modern Dog

2.Dog world is recommended for its _________.

A. wonderful articles B. fashionable cover

C. low price D. good paper quality

3.According to the text, Modern Dog ________.

A. has lovely dog pictures on the cover

B. is interesting but not helpful

C. has some photos but no articles

D. has interviews with famous people

4.The purpose of the text is to introduce _________.

A. some cheap magazines

B. different magazines for different readers

C. some magazines about dogs

D. information on raising dogs

阅读下列短文, 从每题所给的四个选项(A、B、C和D)中, 选出最佳选项。

A

Greco-Roman Festival

Friday, April 28th!

As a member of the group,

you will take part in at least

one of the following activities.

Activity I: Compete in an Olympic event

Sign up with your English teacher, and remember space is limited for each event. See the following list:

● Hercules Throw — Throw a football through a hoop (铁环) 20 feet away.

● Three-Headed Race — Three people line up with touching legs tied. Then they run the distance of the gym.

● Toga-Barrow Race —This is like a wheelbarrow race while wearing your toga (宽外袍). (Runners hold their partners’ feet while they walk on hands.)

Activity II: Make Greek or Roman food

Mrs. Jones has a list of recipes (食谱) from ancient Greece and Rome. Remember to give the food you make a unique name. For example, call your chocolate cake Zeus’s Delight.

Activity III: Create a work of art for the museum

Be sure your artwork reflects ancient Greek or Roman culture. Artwork may include sculptures, paintings, drawings or models. The museum is a great place to show off your artistic talent.

Activity IV: Perform an original play, song, or dance for the talent show

Rewrite your favorite Greek myth (神话) using modern language, or change the words of a popular song to tell a Greek or Roman tale. Gather your creative energy and send your ideas to your English teacher for approval.

Activity V: Come to the Toga-Tying party

Since the ancient Greeks should inspire your dressing for the event, feel free to attend the festival in a toga. Learn to tie your toga. Thursday, April 27th. After school in the gym.

Group

Number

1:00 pm -1:25 pm

1:30 pm -1:55 pm

2:00 pm -2:25 pm

2:30 pm -3:30 pm

I

Activity I; Place: Gym

Activity III; Place: Library

Activity II; Place: Cafeteria

Activity IV; Place: Library

All teams! Hurry!

No seats reserved.

II

Activity II; Place: Cafeteria

Activity I; Place: Gym

Activity III; Place: Library

III

Activity III; Place: Library

Activity II; Place: Cafeteria

Activity I; Place: Gym

1.We can learn from Activity I that _____.

A. players wear a toga for the football throw

B. different physical competitions are offered

C. Mrs. Jones is the judge of the competitions

D. skills in throwing are needed in these games

2.Which piece of art would be shown in the museum?

A. A painting of ancient Chinese coins.

B. A drawing of ancient Greek buildings.

C. A sculpture of an ancient Indian athlete.

D. A model of an ancient Egyptian sculpture.

3.Right after showing the artwork, Group II may go to _____.

A. make Greek or Roman food

B. compete in Olympic events

C. perform at the talent show

D. join the Toga-Tying party

4.The text is most probably _____.

A. a poster for school activities

B. a want ad for student volunteers

C. an introduction to the Greco-Roman Festival

D. a notice about arrangements for Olympic events

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