Don't go to Kauai. Go to any of the other Hawaiian Islands --- Maui, Lanai, the Big Island --- but
leave Kauai for us. The weather on Kauai is so unpredictable (不可预测的) that sometimes it rains
all day --- in fact, it's the second-wettest spot on the earth. Yes, there are giant double rainbows all
the time, and the sunlight through the clouds is magical. But if you are not interested in these, go
somewhere else. You just can't control the nature on Kauai, and who wants to surrender (屈服) to
the nature when you could be at a fine hotel, lying in a comfortable chair next to a swimming pool,
with food served upon request?
       So what if Kauai produces surf champions the way Texas produces cowboys?Most of its 300
white-sand beaches are unmarked. Unless you connect with the local people, the hidden spots are
hard to find. While Hanalei is the most beautiful town you've ever dreamed of, you can forget about
discos and clubs. Worse, it doesn't have one single four-star restaurant. What it does have is the
original drive-through places where you pass by a rambutan tree (红毛丹树), and pick a piece of fruit.
       Shopping in Kauai? Forget it --- unless you are interested in shell necklaces and beautifully carved
wood bowls. Kauai is not about pampering. It's about going natural and finding the nature within you.
It's a do-it-yourself place that offers walking along the coast, diving and swimming in the Pacific Ocean,
and lying on the beach.
    Don't go to Kauai unless you have a lot of time, because there's only one road, which can be slightly
dull. It winds through the beautiful scenery of waterfalls, rivers flowing into the ocean, and taro (芋头)
fields. You have no choice but to look at everything, because the speed limit is 35 m.p.h.
       If you're not interested in color, don't bother with Kauai, because that's what you get --- red roads,
blue oceans, and a hundred different shades of green. It's like diving on land. Many people on Kauai
believe that this is Lemuria --- a lost island in the Atlantic. Can you imagine? Those Hawaiians, surfers,
New Agars, and people who love nature and beauty and want a different quality of life --- what do they
know, anyway? Forget about it --- you're not going to like it. Go somewhere else. Leave Kauai for us.

THEATRE
City Varieties
The Headrow. Leeds. Tel. 430808
Oct. 10-11 only A Night at the Varieties. All the fun of old music hall with Barry Cryer, Duggle Brown,
6 dancers, Mysitina, Jon Barker, Anne Duval and the Tony Harrison Trio.
Laugh again at the old jokes and listen to your favourite songs.
Performances: 8 p.m. nightly.
Admission: ￡5; under 16 or over 60: ￡4.
York Theatre Boyal
St Leonard's Place, York. Tel. 223568
Sept. 23-Oct. 17 Groping for Words-a comedy by Sue Townsend. Best known for her Adrian Mole Diaries,
Townsend now writes about an evening class which two men and a woman attend. A gentle comedy.
Admission: First night, Mon.: ￡2; Tues.-Fri.: ￡3.25-5.50;
Sat.: ￡3.50-5.75.
Halifax Playhouse
King's Cross Street, Halifax. Tel. 365993
Oct. 10-17 On golden Pond by Ernest Thompson. This is magical comedy about real people.
A beautifully produced, well-acted play for everyone. Don't miss it.
Performances: 7:30 p.m.
Admission: ￡2. Mon.: 2 seats for the price of one.
Grand Theatre
Oxford Street, Leeds. Tel. 502116
Restaurant and Cafe.
Oct. 1-17 The Secret Diary of Adrian Mold, Aged 13.
Sue Townsend's musical play, based on her best-selling book.
Performances: Evening 7:45. October 10-17, at 2:30 p. m.
No Monday performances.
Admission: Tues.-Thurs.: ￡2-5; Fir.&Sat.: ￡ 2-6.