Question

请以“Humans and Animals”为题，根据你所掌握的实际情况，写一篇议论文，词数150左右。

Answer 1

答案：
解析：

Humans and Animals 　　Animals are people's friends，but①people should protect them．Animals of②golden monkeys，white swans，are national treasures of China．However，some people killed them in the past．People made shoes and clothes from the animals'skins or feathers．In this way，they had③money，but many rare animals have been④disappeared and，what is worse，the balance of nature is broken． 　　Humans and animals are all living on the⑤earth．If the balance of nature no longer exists，harm will be done to animals and humans⑥． 　　In order to keep the balance of nature，China⑦government have made laws for protecting wild animals．People are trying their best to protect them．In some places，some nature parks have⑧built．Many people are collecting money to save them． 　　People⑨ realized that to save wild animals means to save ourselves⑩．If humans and animals live on the earth peacefully，our world will become better and better． 　　修改：①but→so　此处表示因果关系。 　　②of→such as　改为“举例说明”，使语义表达更清楚。 　　③had→gained a lot of　此处不应该用表状态的动词“had”，而应改为表动态的动 词，意为“获取暴利”。 　　④been删掉　不及物动词没有被动语态。 　　⑤加上same　加上same后，可表达更强的语气。 　　⑥animals and humans→humans as well as to animals　改为表“递进”的短语可使保护野生动物的必要性更加突出。 　　⑦China→Chinese　形容词作定语。 　　⑧加上been　此处应使用被动语态。 　　⑨加上have　此处应使用现在完成时态。 　　⑩ourselves→themselves　反身代词应与主语一致。 　　If→Only if且把will提到our world前改为倒装语序后，增加了语言表达力度。 　　评点：习作者以身边发生的事情为例，用事实论证了人类与动物和平共处。保持生态平衡的重要性。写作中除了要少犯知识性错误外，还要注意如何把语义表达得更为准确。如文中第⑥和两处。