11. All the way down here, I thought about what I would say and how I would say it but now words fail me. Silence falls between us. We are by the church nowswheresVincent and I had planned to marry. It is a tiny church just big enough for the village and late creamy roses are still in bloom around the entrance.

10. He pulls on his coat and we go out for a walk. Slowly the mist is leaving the mountains although the tops are still shrouded in swirls. We talk about this and that but I'm struggling. There's a tension in me that spills oversintosthe conversation so it feels forced and unnatural.

9. So, it's been ages, how have you been? He is looking at the flames in the fire and I know that there is no reproach in his words. He is not telling me off for not coming to see him. He is very straight, what you see is what you get. That's why I had to come and see him, to tell him what is happening and to hope he will understand.

8. As we gosintosthe coffee shop now, that moment is with me again. It was a moment of pure joy, a floating moment. He brings me in now and sits me down in front of the fire and brings over two mugs full of steaming mocha (也门一城镇) coffee. He goes and gets some cream and swirls it on the top.

7. Vincent pulled him away from his customers that day and told him we were getting married. He didn't say anything for a long moment, just kept his head down, then he looked up and nodded, but his dark eyes shiny and I knew how happy we had made him.

6. We went together just months later to tell his dad that we had plans to marry, that we wanted to be married in the villageswheresVincent and his brother had grown up. His dad brought them up on his own above a coffee shop. His sons left to live and work in the town but his dad stayed. He still has the shop and it is busy all year round. In the summer, tourists come and in the winter the locals come as much for his conversation as his coffee.

5. I've never taken any of them home before. he said. And although he laughed his dark eyes locked with mine and in that moment he told me that he loved me and that I was special. I looked right back at him to let him know that I felt the same.

4. When Vincent first took me to meet him he opened his arms then. There was no formal handshake, none of the usual politeness or caution of strangers. Later I asked Vincent if his dad was like that with all his girlfriends.

3. I am out of the fields now and on the very edge of the village. And then just as I think about bolting like some scared rabbit he is there. He has seen me from the window and he's calling my name. I run to him. I like being in his arms. I love his love. He is the father I never had, the father I longed for as a child.

2. Now that I'm here I am not so sure and think about turning back and leaving. I could put it off for another time. Another day, another week - what difference would it make?