题目内容

9.一家英语报社向高二学生征文,主题是"上大学后的我".请根据以下要点和你的畅想完成短文:
1 学习;
2 生活;
3 业余爱好;
注意:1.词数100左右
    2.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯.

分析 本文是一篇记叙文,主题是"上大学后的我".在写作时要注意从大学学习与生活及业余爱好方面要点着手,因为提示信息较少,所以要充分发挥想象,增加适当的细节以使行文连贯,充实内容.比如可以联想到的内容有健身,度假,聚会等等.在写作时尽量使用恰当的连接词,插入语以使文章层次分明,使用多种句式结构和高级词汇亮点来提高文章的档次,如定语从句,宾语从句和状语从句等.此外,因为是畅想未来,所以要用一般将来时.
【亮点说明】本篇范文短小精悍,要点全面,语言简练,时态人称准确,很好的完成了写作任务.在文章开头作者紧扣题目,提出自己对未来的畅想,然后从生活,工作,家庭三个方面描述了自己十年后的生活.在文中作者用到了短语In my free time,In a word,such as等介词短语,避免了文章句式的单一.此外,还用到了宾语从句in whatever I do、I will work in a computer company as a program designer等,这些都给朴素的语言带来了亮点.

解答 As a senior two student,I often imagine what my life will be like in university in the near future.I think it will be important to my future life.
Since I will major in English,I will be as busy as a bee with all English courses,such as Oral English,English Poems.(高分句型)(大学学习)I will learn to become more independent in life,trying to take care of myself by washing my clothes and dealing with any difficulties.(高分句型)I will be nice to people around me and try to make lots of friends.(大学生活)In my spare time,I will be fully engaged in my hobbies:music and sports.(大学业余爱好)
All in all,my college life will be freer and more colorful.(高分句型)

点评 应该注意适当增加细节以使行文连贯,比如适当选用表示因果、递进、转折关系的连接词,使文章流畅、通顺,并避免因反复使用句式相同的简单句而造成的单调感.(1)认真审题,确定体裁. (2)构思要点.根据题目要求,理解要表达的要点.设计好文章的层次段落,考虑所用时态、人称等,把要点串联起来,构成文章框架.(3)选词造句,避难选易.(4)认真检查,避免错误.仔细阅读全文,查找是否有错,注意时态、单词拼写、字母大小写、标点是否有误,句式是否正确.逻辑是否一致.

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