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In this season for thanks and giving, even the most thoughtful children may not offer much gratitude for what they receive. And you¡¯d be wise not to expect it. All the research I¡¯ve done has convinced me that it¡¯s not going to happen.

As parents, we don¡¯t consider our holiday gifts an ¡°exchange relationship¡± since we know the time, money, and effort we put in to buy them. But kids have a different view. One mom told me that when she asked her 16-year-old son to thank her for buying him a cellphone, he said, ¡°But that¡¯s what moms should do, isn¡¯t it?¡±

From a teenager¡¯s view, it¡¯s a parent¡¯s responsibility to take care of the family, and playing Santa is part of the job. According to Yarrow Dunham, Yale¡¯s assistant professor of Psychology, ¡°When teenagers code it that way, a gift is no longer something given freely and voluntarily ¡ª it¡¯s just mom and dad¡¯s living up to their obligation.¡±

Kids can¡¯t know how blessed they are unless they have a basis for comparison. We need to give our children the gift of a wider world view. Take them to a soup kitchen instead of to the mall. Become the secret Santa for a needy family. Show by example that gratitude isn¡¯t about stuff ¡ª which ultimately can¡¯t make any of us happy anyway. It¡¯s about realizing how lucky you are.

Set up a family ritual at bedtime where kids describe three things that made them grateful. When kids go off to college, you can text them a picture of something that inspires your appreciation each week. Whether it¡¯s a friend, a snowflake, or a sunset, the spirit of the photos will help you and them see the world differently.

Teaching children to focus on the positive and appreciate the goodness in their lives is perhaps the greatest gift we can give them. And we can all learn together that the things that really matter aren¡¯t on sale at a department store.

¡¾1¡¿Children express no thanks for gifts because _______.

A. they regard them as an ¡°exchange relationship¡±

B. they think badly of the gifts

C. children are not as considerate as adults

D. gifts are not what they expect

¡¾2¡¿Parents should make the kids know how blessed they are by _______.

A. buying them a cellphone

B. becoming the secret Santa for a needy family

C. taking them to a soap factory instead of to the mall

D. texting them a picture of something that inspires your appreciation each week

¡¾3¡¿To make children grateful for what they have, parents should _______.

A. set an example to children

B. teach them not to care about gifts

C. ask children to cook themselves

D. describe things they are grateful for

¡¾4¡¿As far as the author is concerned, no gifts are greater than _______.

A. helping kids see the world differently

B. learning together things that matter

C. teaching kids to think positively

D. making kids realize they are lucky

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